Metro's mission statement, analyzed

Our beloved local transit authority has a mission statement, as follows:

METRO is an innovative regional transportation organization of dedicated employees committed to partnering with the public and private sectors to provide the safest, highest quality services and mobility solutions that exceed our customers' expectations while creating economic growth.

Let's break this down:

METRO is an innovative regional transportation organization

Recent Metro innovations include putting an electric streetcar on Main Street only a century after its invention.

of dedicated employees

Complaints against those dedicated employees are up.

committed to partnering with the public and private sectors

That partnership consists primarily of the public sector expropriating money and property from the private sector.

provide the safest, highest quality services

Willingly unpoliced Metro facilities have seen crime sprees, while on-time performance slipped 2 percentage points.

and mobility solutions

A couple weeks ago, I saw a Metro bus that had broken down on the Katy Freeway HOV lane. No big deal, that happens all the time, right? The bus driver had run out of fuel.

that exceed our customers' expectations

Every time a Metro bureaucrat ties his shoes correctly, Metro succeeds in this regard.

while creating economic growth

If a 1 percent sales tax creates economic growth, than a 600 percent sales tax will create 600 times as much economic growth, right? Houston will become so valuable that Metro won't know where to start condemning.