Why Houston is better than Dallas: Part 4,623

We don't have poop-encrusted baked goods.

A Dallas cab driver is in big trouble for getting caught on tape sprinkling dried feces on pastries. 49-year-old Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh is on trial for allegedly throwing fecal matter on pastries at a Fiesta grocery store. Police said they found a pile of human feces by his bed. He would dry it, either by microwave or just letting it sit out and grate it up with a cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store, officials said.

What would Pepe the Parrot think?