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Friday, July 29, 2005

Helen Thomas: 'I'll kill myself' if Cheney runs for prez

Helen Thomas is threatening suicide:
Veteran wire reporter Helen Thomas is vowing to 'kill herself' if Dick Cheney announces he is running for president. The newspaper HILL first reported the startling claim on Thursday.
"The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself," she told the HILL. "All we need is one more liar."
In a completely unrelated story, I sent some jack to the RNC with the specific request that it be applied to the veep's presidential campaign. I'm hoping she does the deed in some spectacular way. Any hack can chase a fistful of Valium with a fifth of vodka. Helen can do better. I'm hoping for something beginning with a hail of gunfire and ending with a fiery plunge into the icy Potomac.

2 Comments:

At 8/01/2005 3:09 PM, Blogger Rorschach said...

But Matt! How could she kill herself with a gun? Don't you know that the 2nd ammendment does not apply in DC?

I kinda hope Cheney announces his candidacy just long enough for her to do it, and then withdraw... I'd be worth it....

 
At 8/01/2005 3:14 PM, Blogger Matt said...

True. Nor does the 2nd amendment apply to individuals. Just the National Guard, so the lib line goes.

I guess she'd have to get some guardsmen to whack her. I'm sure they'd be happy to oblige.

Hell, I'd love to see Cheney announce his candidacy for the express purpose of getting her to off herself:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to announce my candidacy for the office of President of the United States. I look forward to leading America in peace and prosperity, almost as much as I look forward to watching Helen Thomas' hemlock-riddled corpse being dragged out of the press room.

"Thank you."

 

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