Royal Roundup

This is the first in an occasional series I'm going to call the "Royal Roundup." It will feature news about the world's royal families. Sure, they're a bunch of adulterous, snaggletoothed, inbred screw-ups. Yes, they're products of an antiquated system of tyrannical government that has no place in a modern democratic culture. But they're sparkly!

This woman will be called "Her Majesty" by her subjects. First, we're off to Britain, for news about Camilla Parker Bowles, soon-to-be wife of His Royal Highness, Charles Philip Arthur George Windsor, Prince of Wales, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince of Great Steward of Scotland:

If it's King Charles some day, it likely will be Queen Camilla, too. As though there has not been enough confusion about next month's marriage of Prince Charles to Camilla Parker Bowles, the British government announced yesterday that, contrary to previous reports, she would automatically be queen if Charles becomes king.

But what's this? She doesn't want to be queen:

Camilla Parker Bowles does not want to take the title of Queen when the Prince of Wales becomes King, Clarence House insisted today. She will be known as the Princess Consort when the Prince succeeds to the throne, Communications Secretary Paddy Harverson said.

Absolutely fascinating. Now it's off to Monaco, where Prince Rainier isn't feeling so good:

Monaco's Prince Rainier, one of the world's longest serving monarchs, is in intensive care after a lung infection he was being treated for worsened. The 81-year-old monarch, who was married to Grace Kelly, the late Hollywood star, had initially been responding well to treatment since his admission to hospital on March 7, the palace's press office said.

Gripping. We go now to Japan. Despite suffering some bad luck with emperors in the past, the Land of the Rising Sun is still sticking with the royalty game:

The only daughter of Emperor Akihito and Empress Michiko became formally betrothed Saturday in a traditional rite called "Nosai-no-gi'' at the Imperial Palace.

The gift ceremony started at 9:20 a.m. Saturday, when Naoyuki Kuroda, the 53-year-old cousin of Yoshiki Kuroda, visited the Imperial Palace as an envoy of the Kuroda family. He brought with him traditional betrothal gifts: two bolts of silk cloth, three bottles of sake and two fresh sea breams, officials of the Imperial Household Agency said.

I'm on the edge of my seat!