Koran analysis: U.S. will vanish in 2007

Good afternoon, fellow Zionist pig crusaders and assorted infidel types. It's with a heavy heart that I report some distressing news: The United States will be destroyed in 2007. Who says so? Some Palestinian dude:

A thorough analysis of the Koran reveals that the US will cease to exist in the year 2007, according to research published by Palestinian scholar Ziad Silwadi. The study, which has caught the attention of millions of Muslims worldwide, is based on in-depth interpretations of various verses in the Koran. It predicts that the US will be hit by a tsunami larger than that which recently struck southeast Asia. "The tsunami waves are a minor rehearsal in comparison with what awaits the US in 2007," the researcher concluded in his study. "The Holy Koran warns against the Omnipotent Allah's force. A great sin will cause a huge flood in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans."

Wait a minute. The Omnipotent Allah needs to rehearse? But I digress. Back to the Palestinian dude:

"As soon as the Europeans started arriving in the new world discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1492, they declared a war on the so-called Red Indians, the legitimate owners of the land," he wrote.

Boy, it's a good thing the Muslims never brutally subjugated people, otherwise this Palestinian dude would look like an idiot. Anyway, back to some Palestinian dude's deep analysis:

Explaining his theory about the approaching extinction of the US, the scholar went on to analyze many numbers and letters mentioned in the Koran. He said a careful reading and analysis of words appearing in the Opening and Yusuf suras show that the US will exist for only 231 years. How did he reach that number? Silwadi said that by combing a number of suras hinting at US sins he reached the numbers 1776 (the year the US achieved independence) and 231. He added the two numbers and the result was 2007, the year when the US is expected to disappear.

Further numerological study revealed how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. (Three.)