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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Gibbons sarcastically praises NRA exhibits

James Howard Gibbons, who claims to edit the Chronicle's editorial pages, stopped by the NRA annual meeting this weekend, and now graces us with his dripping sarcasm:

The pen is mightier than the sword, but can the same be said of a .50-caliber, steel-piercing sniper rifle with muzzle flash suppression and cheek rest? I would hate to be the guy with the pen.
Here, Gibbons clearly implies that the only use for such a rifle would be to shoot another person. Nice. He then goes on to drop a factual error into his "Editorial Journal," apparently to remind us that we're reading the Chronicle:
For those on a budget, I recommend one of the ultramodern, military-style carbines. Equipped with telescopic, laser-guided sight, it can hit and bring down just about any visible target.
I have no idea what a laser-guided sight is. I can only suspect that it's under development by some defense contractor. Just press a button and the sight jumps off the rifle, follows a laser beam, and smacks right into your target! Good work, James. Then we're treated to a very lame reference to Dirty Harry:
Afterward, I spent nearly an hour trying to decide between a wicked little black Beretta semiautomatic pistol and a .44-caliber magnum revolver as big as my arm, perfect for making one's day.
Gibbons, have you even seen "Sudden Impact?" Harry wasn't talking to his gun when he said "make my day." He was talking to a bad guy. By the way, it's Magnum with a capital "M." Page 267 of your AP Stylebook. But this is my favorite excerpt:
The one that really caught my eye displayed a huge picture of a man aiming at a rhino charging down on him. Large letters spelled out the words "Death by the ton." This versatile booth could have doubled as a wildlife preservationist's protest against big game hunting.
Heh. Or it could be a CLOUT t-shirt. [Hat-tip: "Rorschach"] UPDATE: LST commenter Dan (probably not Feldstein) makes the following observation:
It’s a hippo, not a rhino.

An exhaustive study (read: 5-second Google search) reveals that Dan is right, and James Howard Gibbons is wrong again:

bytheton.jpg Hippo.

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