Venezuelan president announces Red ideology

Taking a cue from Houston city leaders, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is going Commie:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez on Friday embraced socialism as his ideology of choice in a political statement that sharpened his antagonism against the United States. Chavez, a firebrand nationalist who has governed the world's No. 5 oil exporter for six years, has persistently declined to define the precise ideology of his self-styled "revolution."

Chavez, who won a referendum in August ratifying his rule until early 2007, said previous experiences of socialism in the world -- an apparent reference to the former Soviet Union -- might not be the example to follow. "We have to invent the socialism of the 21st century," he added.

Ah, the socialism of the future. I can see it now. Gulags with wireless Internet. Government-issued (and monitored) cell phones. Flying cars and gasoline rationing. Let's just call it Hammer & Sickle 2.0!

Is Condoleezza Rice 'The One'?

The Matrix is everywhere.

Judge allows Terri Schiavo's husband to kill her

So much for that "in sickness and in health" vow:

A judge gave Terri Schiavo's husband permission to remove the brain-damaged woman's feeding tube in three weeks, handing him a victory in his effort to carry out what he says were his wife's wishes not to be kept alive artificially. The ruling by Pinellas Circuit Court Judge George Greer will allow the husband, Michael Schiavo, to order the tube removed at 1 p.m. on March 18. In the meantime, the woman's parents, who want her kept alive, are expected to ask another court to block the order from taking effect. The judge wrote that he was no longer comfortable granting delays in the long-running family feud, which has been going on for nearly seven years and has been waged in every level of Florida's court system. He said the case must end.

A judge, whose job it is to administer justice, will let this woman slowly starve to death because he's not comfortable. I was torn on this issue until recently, because the news accounts portray Terri as a completely brain-dead vegetable, totally unresponsive to the world around her. You get the impression that she has no cognitive function, and that keeping her alive would almost be cruel. Well, watch these videos, then see if you can justify Terri's death sentence.

Update: Pope's doctors consider operation

As I've said before, His Holiness is one tough hombre, but he's not doing so hot:

Pope John Paul II was expected to undergo a tracheotomy today to help his breathing, according to Italian news agencies. The news agencies ANSA and Apcom said doctors would perform a tracheotomy — a procedure in which a hole is made in the throat and a tube is inserted, Associated Press reported.

All we can do is pray. UPDATE: Some medical experts are saying the pope may have bacterial pneumonia:

"It appears the pope is suffering from pneumonia, likely a bacterial pneumonia, a serious problem for a man of his age with Parkinson's," said Dr Barbara Paris, chairwoman of geriatrics and vice-chairwoman of Medicine at Maimonides Medical Centre in New York.

UPDATE: The half-hour surgery has been completed:

AGI said surgeons at Rome's Gemelli hospital had performed a tracheotomy on the Pontiff, cutting a small opening into his neck and windpipe to allow air to flow directly into the lungs. It said the operation lasted 30 minutes, without citing any sources. There was no immediate comment from the Vatican but Church officials said a statement was due shortly.

UPDATE: The pope's surgery was successful:

The Vatican issued a statement saying doctors at the Gemelli Polyclinic operated successfully on the pope after he gave his consent and that he will spend the night in his own room and not in intensive care. The procedure, in which a hole is made in the throat and a tube is inserted, was performed to help the pontiff with his breathing. It is not seen as threatening and usually is left in for two or three days. The Vatican said the pope's tracheotomy took 30 minutes and was finished "in a positive way."

Gunfire erupts at Tyler courthouse, 3+ hurt

This is no good:

At least three people were shot when a man with a high-powered rifle opened fire in the town square near the courthouse Thursday, a U.S. Marshal said. It was unclear how many people were killed. "He had a rifle, and he was shooting at the back of the courthouse and he shot some glass out, shot a deputy sheriff there and two other civilians," said Deputy U.S. Marshal John Walker.

One report indicated that the gunman was shot after fleeing in his pickup truck. Let's hope he's not on the loose.

UPDATE: Got'em.

No toxicology reports on Hunter S. Thompson

The "What's in Hunter S. Thompson's Bloodstream?" Contest is over. I spoke with Dr. Steve Ayers, the very cordial and helpful Pitkin County coroner, who told me:

"I did not order toxicology tests on Hunter Thompson. Cause and manner of death are the same: self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head, so I did not even do toxicology."

Sounds reasonable to me, but I guess we'll never know what chemicals were floating around in that addled brain. But hey, at least now I have the cell phone number of the Pitkin County coroner. You never know when that could come in handy. However, we do have a winner: Jason. His entry was:

I’ll play the odds and say “nothing". They won’t find ANY substances.

He's right. They won't find anything. Congrats, Jason! Email me to collect your winnings.

Slimeball professor drops Indian claim

Ward Churchill, the anti-American wacko who called compared the 9/11 victims to the Nazis, admitted yesterday he's a lying scumbag:

"Is he an Indian? Do we really care?" he said, quoting those he called his "white Republican" critics. "Let's cut to the chase; I am not," he said. His pedigree is "not important," Churchill said: "The issue is the substance of what is said."

Nonsense. When you've built your career on your pedigree, it's important when that pedigree turns out to be a complete and utter falsehood.

NASA sets date for Space Shuttle launch

After losing 16 astronauts in fiery Shuttle disasters, NASA is going to give the Space Shuttle another shot:

NASA set May 15 for the first space shuttle launch since the Columbia disaster two years ago. While considerable work remains before Discovery's test flight, ''this date feels real good to me,'' launch director Mike Leinbach said.

"Feels real good"?! Well, that's a relief. As long as it "feels real good," we shouldn't worry about little things like the shuttle's miserable safety record and lack of an escape mechanism.

NASA's top space flight official, former astronaut Bill Readdy, said the biggest challenge is to complete all the paperwork not only for Discovery but also for Atlantis, the shuttle that would attempt a rescue mission in mid-June if there were serious launch damage to Discovery.

Shouldn't the biggest challenge be, oh I don't know, not incinerating our astronauts? Let's compare the Shuttle to its predecessor, the Saturn V rocket. Safety: Shuttle crew members have no way of evacuating the vehicle in case of an emergency. NASA's only plan to bring the astronauts back from a damaged shuttle is to launch a rescue mission a month later. The Saturn V had a launch escape subsystem, allowing the crew to ditch the rocket during or after launch if something went wrong. Catastrophic failures killed 16 astronauts on Challenger and Columbia. Three astronauts were killed when their capsule caught fire during a pre-flight test for the Apollo 1 mission. Cost: The shuttle program has cost $112 billion since its first flight. The Apollo missions cost a total of about $70 billion in today's dollars. Results: The Apollo missions put a dozen men on the moon and returned them safely to earth. And while they were up there, they did fun, manly things, like play golf, drive cars, and plant Old Glory. The crew of Columbia died after lugging a mirror and a can of dirt into the heavens. They also brought an ant farm, to study how ants behave in zero gravity. (Answer: they float.) We can do better than the Space Shuttle. We used to.

Update: Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005

My money's on Johnnie Walker and peyote.

Hunter S. Thompson is dead by his own hand:

Hunter S. Thompson, the acerbic counterculture writer who popularized a new form of fictional journalism in books like "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," fatally shot himself Sunday night at his Aspen-area home, his son said. He was 67. "Hunter prized his privacy and we ask that his friends and admirers respect that privacy as well as that of his family," Juan Thompson said in a statement released to the Aspen Daily News. Pitkin County Sheriff officials confirmed to The Associated Press that Thompson had died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound. Thompson's wife, Anita, was not home at the time.

I can't say I'm too surprised. After all, this is the same guy who said:

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

In that vein, I'd like to announce the Mattsapundit "What's in Hunter S. Thompson's Bloodstream?" Contest. Toxicology reports from Dr. Thompson's autopsy should be released in the next few weeks. But who can wait? Readers, email me your best guess on what substances the Pitkin County coroner will discover lurking in Thompson's body. The most accurate forecast will win an autographed* copy of whatever Thompson book I can find at Half Price Books. *by me. Update: The customers are putting their chemical forecasting skills to good use. Peter says:

Whiskey and cocaine...although there may be an LSD molecule chasing around his last brain cell like Pac-Man.

Ryan guesses:

I can say with 100% certainty that Hunter S. Thompson had either psilocybe magic mushrooms or LSD in his system when he killed himself.

Confidence: I like it. Clotille opines:

Mescaline and toad sweat.

Creativity: I like that too. My old buddy Wes says:

Quaaludes, an 8-ball of heroin, and Benadryl. And Robitussin too.

Yikes. Next up is Bobby:

I'm betting grain alcohol and good old fashioned Mescaline.

Buddy tosses his $.02, and throws in some flattery to boot:

I'm thinking marijuana and alcohol for sure. Probably cocaine as well as it is known to cause suicidal depression. Great site, it has become my favorite.

Mike guesses:

Same thing as Hank Williams, Elvis, Hemingway, Limbaugh and not that many years ago the president.

Andre's take:

In no particular order: Alcohol, Xanax, Vicodin, Marijuana Looking forward to my half price book!

Justin adds:

Crown and Coke (as in cocaine, not the stuff in the red cans). And probably some OTC flu meds since that stuff's going around.

Clark opines:

Alcohol . . . with it, it is very easy to get disconnected from yourself and do really crazy stuff. This would be true of heroin too (or other narcotics) but why go to the cost or trouble . . . your favorite booze at double the dosage . . . bam!

Curtis contributes:

All i have to say is that if someone close to you commits suicide i expect the same sort of contest to be held. I am sickened by your lack of sympathy and and overall respect.

I'll take that as an entry for Jim Beam and Alka-Seltzer. At least Larry's got a sense of humor:

For my money, I’d say it was the deadly combination of Pamabrom and Sildenafil Citrate. When taken together, one can’t figure out if he should be coming or going.

Another entry comes from Jason, who writes:

I’ll play the odds and say “nothing". They won’t find ANY substances.

Dell dishes this up:

Yoo-Hoo and grain alcohol. Rogaine, shaken not stirred.

You people have some wild imaginations. Mike in Spring is as classy as I am about this whole thing:

Lead!

Here's a graphical breakdown of the entries, as of Tuesday afternoon, 3:00 CST:

Keep the guesses coming!

UK admits it can't keep track of plutonium

The British appear to have lost track of enough plutonium for a small nuclear arsenal:

Enough plutonium to create seven nuclear bombs has "gone missing" from Sellafield nuclear plant. The 30kg of the nuclear material is unaccounted for following an annual audit by the British Nuclear Group (BNG) of its various plants. The problem is believed to be a "paper loss" due to problems in the auditing process rather than any material actually disappearing from the site in Cumbria.

This should be a major cause for concern, right? RIGHT?? Maybe not, if you're a government bureaucrat:

A BNG spokeswoman at Sellafield said: "There is always a discrepancy between the physical inventory and the book inventory. "There is no suggestion that any material has left the site."

Yes there is. You're short 66 pounds of plutonium! And it gets worse. This isn't a one-time mistake:

A spokesman for the Department of Trade and Industry said: "It is not unusual for the accounting process to indicate material unaccounted for."

Great. Could you imagine if Enron tried to use this defense? "Oh, it's no big deal. It is not unusual for the accounting process to indicate billions of dollars of phony business."

Republican state lawmakers ponder hike in gas tax

I filled my car up with gas today, and I said to myself, "gasoline costs too much." But our elected representatives in Austin disagree. They want to increase the gas tax every year:

House Speaker Tom Craddick said Tuesday that he wants to squeeze more money out of the state gasoline tax by allowing the tax rate, now set at 20 cents per gallon, to rise in step with some type of inflation index. The tax, last increased in 1991, is a major revenue-raiser for highways and the public schools, but the state hasn't cashed in on the high gasoline prices of recent years because tax revenue -- which is based on quantity, not price -- has been relatively flat.

Gov. Rick Perry and Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst indicated they were open to the idea. "We haven't increased our gas tax in years," Dewhurst said. "We've got continuing challenges to put more money into our highways. We'll take a look at it over here in the Senate." Spokeswoman Kathy Walt said Perry believes the proposal is an "interesting concept that ... the Legislature ought to explore."

I'd like to take this opportunity to issue an open memo to the Lieutenant Governor:

TO: Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst FROM: Your Bosses RE: Tax Policy You do not have a divine right to receive more tax revenues every year than you did the year before. Now knock it off.

British DJ breaks into boss' house on air

And you thought trivia was a misuse of the public airwaves:

A British shock jock found the boundaries of the envelope last week — he broke into his boss's house and trashed the place on-air. Tim Shaw, DJ on the Birmingham rock station Kerrang! 105.2 FM, waited until the station's program director, Andrew Jeffries, and his wife left their house last Thursday. Shaw and his producer, Greg Pebble, smashed a window, sprayed obscene graffiti on the walls, kicked over furniture and then hid in a cupboard.

Watch out, Dan. That Benzion fella has a mischievous gleam in his eye.

Chron shills for new soccer stadium

The Chronicle is once again serving as Houston's leading stadium pimp:

And Houston, arguably the premier stadium city in the United States -- besides being, by every indication, a soccer hot spot -- also has a conspicuous void.

Yeah. An NHL team. Or a well-run city government. But I digress.

"The stadium's the key," said Chronicle soccer columnist Glenn Davis, who played for the Houston Dynamos in the mid-1980s and now does MLS play-by-play for Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban's cable sports network. "With the right place to play, soccer has a very high ceiling in Houston. The surface has barely been scratched."

Quoting a Chronicle columnist in a Chronicle column? Bad form.

But at least the first baby steps have been taken for MLS to gain entrée into the vibrant Houston market -- and to assure Houston of a niche in professional soccer's fold.

Note the gratuitous use of French.

Toward that end, Harris County-Houston Sports Authority head Oliver Luck has been proactive, recently forging a partnership with the Houston Independent School District to investigate a possible redevelopment of the 60-acre Delmar Stadium complex to accommodate an MLS-caliber soccer venue.

You mean we can rip off Houston's schools and build another taxpayer-funded boondoggle at the same time? What a deal!

Reliant? The consensus is it's a little too big and a little too costly to operate for MLS games.

A little too big? That's an understatement. Reliant Stadium seats 69,500 fans. Average MLS attendance in 2003 was 14,898.

With a full complement of bells and whistles properly befitting the early 21st-century spectating experience, Dallas' stadium will seat 20,000-plus -- a size judged ideal for MLS games -- and will be surrounded by 17 fields for use by high school and kids' leagues.

See above comment.

"We've been to Mexico City to visit," Luck said. "Every indication is that when they're ready to make a move, Houston would be their choice."

Gosh, if we could only be as world class as Mexico City!

Murdered Lebanese ex-PM owned Houston tower

One thing that the Chronicle does well (besides dispatching the homeless to every intersection in town) is cover real estate news. Props to Nancy Sarnoff for pointing out Houston's connection to the recently murdered former prime minister of Lebanon:

Rafik Hariri, the Lebanese billionaire and former prime minister who was killed in a bomb explosion on Monday, owned Houston's tallest office tower and held a stake in another. Hariri owned the JPMorgan Chase Tower at 600 Travis downtown through his U.S. business subsidiary Prime Asset Management. Prime purchased the building in the late 1980s from Hines, the Houston-based realty firm that still manages the property.

Mexican drug traffickers may have missiles

Here's the latest in a very long list of reasons to be concerned about our southern border:

As Mexico's president wages what he calls the "mother of all wars" on violent drug cartels, there is a concern that the powerful Gulf Cartel has a new weapon in its arsenal: anti-aircraft missiles. President Fox 's plane or commercial airlines are possible targets, as detailed in a January report by the private intelligence firm Strafors. According to the report, 80 of the Soviet-made anti-aircraft missiles were sold on the black market in Nicaragua by a rogue member of that country's military.

The issue of illegal immigration is about more than cheap labor or drug smuggling. It's a clear threat to the security of American citizens. If these missiles can fall into the hands of drug runners, who's to say some enterprising al-Qaeda thug couldn't get his mitts on one?

Family in minivan survives 400-foot plummet

Here's the story of Al Sullivan, who hit a patch of ice and went careening down a mountain:

Sullivan's trusty Pontiac minivan plunged 400 feet down a steep slope at about 4 p.m. Saturday. Some of those inside shouted as the vehicle tumbled down the mountainside, Sullivan said. The van rolled, maybe just a couple times, maybe more.

Sullivan's wife, Linda, had to be carried out on a stretcher. The other five passengers climbed out of the ravine with the help of search and rescue crews. After going to the hospital Saturday evening, everybody slept in their own beds Saturday night.

Buckle up, y'all.

Celebs to testify in Michael Jackson trial

Michael Jackson's lawyers must be losing their minds:

Judging from the list of potential defense witnesses, Michael Jackson's child molestation trial could be a star-studded affair. Among those who could be called to the stand are Jackson's own children and a variety of celebrities, among them Kobe Bryant and Elizabeth Taylor, his lawyer told jury prospects Monday.

Brilliant strategy. In a case dealing with proper sexual mores, let's hear from an accused rapist and a woman who's had eight husbands!

Barbara Boxer gives roses to wounded vets

I am certainly no fan of Barbara Boxer, but this is a classy gesture on her part:

Senator Barbara Boxer will receive perhaps the splashiest Valentine's Day gift on Capitol Hill today. Some 24-hundred roses will be delivered to her office from supporters who contributed to the "Barbara Boxer Rose Campaign."

Boxer says she was "very touched." Her office has arranged to transfer the flowers tonight to Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland and Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, which treats soldiers wounded in Iraq.

Good for her.

Area company unveils Hummer-dwarfing truck

Yes, it has three windshield wipers.

Is a Hummer too wimpy for you? Don't like the big-rig style of the International CXT? Try this Bad Boy, built right here in the Lone Star State:

But the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck, a dressed-up military vehicle more than twice as heavy, is being billed as bigger, badder and more bodacious. "It's the rugged Bubba," said Daniel Ayres, president and CEO of Homeland Defense Vehicles LLC and its division Bad Boy Trucks. The East Texas company aims to market the machine to civilians with disposable cash and a hankering for more protection from the outside world. A $379,000 version made its public debut in January at the Dallas Safari Club convention. For a base price of $225,000 - nearly twice the Hummer H1 wagon's base price of $117,508 - consumers can get a basic version of the 10-foot-tall Bad Boy that can drive through five feet of water, climb a 60-degree grade, tow six tons and keep rolling even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall.

Email me if you'd like to contribute to the Matt Bramanti Stuff Acquisition Fund. We accept cash, checks and daughters.

Blogger demands higher standards from L.A. Times

A blogger calling for higher correction standards from a major metropolitan newspaper? What a concept!

How do you think L.A. Times editors would feel if their reputations were unfairly smeared on the front page of a national newspaper? Would they be satisfied with a small correction hidden inside the paper? Not likely. The Times can prove that it takes the journalistic value of fairness seriously by placing noteworthy corrections in a more prominent space. A substantive correction should be at least as conspicuous as the original article in which the error appeared. A correction of a substantial error in a front-page article should run on Page 1. The policy would make it more likely readers would actually see corrections of significant errors. It would give reporters and editors greater incentive to get stories right. And it would encourage more vigorous scrutiny for political bias, latent or overt.

Now that's an idea. If only the Chronicle would listen.

CNN boss Jordan resigns over Davos flap

The blogosphere has bagged another crooked big-shot journalist:

CNN chief news executive Eason Jordan quit Friday amidst a furor over remarks he made in Switzerland last month about journalists killed by the U.S. military in Iraq. Jordan said he was quitting to avoid CNN being "unfairly tarnished" by the controversy. During a panel discussion at the World Economic Forum last month, Jordan said he believed that several journalists who were killed by coalition forces in Iraq had been targeted.

Throughout the debacle, neither Jordan nor World Economic Forum officials released a transcript or audiotape of Jordan's comments. No matter. Witnesses reported his remarks, and Jordan tried to weasel out of his predicament, to no avail.

Woman jailed for ripping off man’s testicle

This is high on the list of incidents I would like to avoid:

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That’s yours."

Seems like a pretty steep price to pay.

She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

Um, I beg to differ.

[Hat-tip: Mary]

Famed playwright Arthur Miller dies at 89

Exit stage left:

Miller died Thursday night of heart failure surrounded by family members and his girlfriend at his home in Roxbury, Conn., his assistant, Julia Bolus, said today. The Pulitzer Prize winner reportedly had been struggling with ill health in recent months. A friend told Newsday on Jan. 11 that Miller had been suffering from "a touch of pneumonia and chemo treatments for some form of cancer."

Miller's masterpieces included "A View from the Bridge," "Death of a Saleseman," "The Crucible," and Marilyn Monroe.

Enema update: Wife claims man killed self

Some poor cop had to log this all in as evidence. The sherry enema story gets another twist:

A Lake Jackson widow denied Wednesday that she provided the alcohol that led to her husband's death from a sherry enema. Tammy Jean Warner said her husband, Michael Warner, 58, not only had a longtime alcohol problem but had been addicted to enemas since he was a child. He gave himself the enema that led to his death May 21, she said.

Ms. Warner claims the man used all manner of substances to get his enema fix:

She said he paid $1,000 to study colonics at a school and corresponded with other enema users on the Internet. Not all of his enemas involved liquor, she said. "He did coffee enemas, he did Castile soap, Ivory soap," she said. "He had enema recipes."

She's saddened by her husbands death, but:

"My husband told me he loved me more than anything in the world except for God," she said. "I'm not ashamed of my husband because I loved him, and I supported him 1,000 percent, whatever he wanted to do. That's the way he went out, and I'm sure that's the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas."

Don't we all?

Hamas marks ceasefire by shelling civilians

The ceasefire.

Today's lesson on why you don't negotiate with terrorists:

Palestinian militants have fired a series of mortar bombs and rockets into Jewish settlements in Gaza, two days after Palestinian and Israeli leaders declared a halt to violence at a summit meeting. The Islamist faction Hamas said the barrage, which caused no casualties, were a reprisal for the killing of a Palestinian man by Israeli army gunfire from a settlement on Wednesday. Soldiers reacted to a suspected infiltration attempt, army sources said.

Why Ariel Sharon is removing roadblocks and freeing Palestinian prisoners, I have no idea.

Pope returns to Vatican after hospital stay

After his most recent health scare, the Holy Father is getting back to work:

Pope John Paul II will return to the Vatican today, after 10 days in Gemelli Hospital, where he was treated for breathing difficulties brought on by the flu. In a statement released on February 10, Joaquin Navarro-Valls reported: "The acute laryngeal tracheitis that was the reason for urgently admitting the Holy Father to the hospital has healed."

I'm happy that this story omitted the "frail pope" phrase that we've seen far too often. It bugs me when people portray the pope as a delicate little flower. This is one tough hombre. He worked in the Polish resistance during the Nazi occupation of that country. His Cold War-era efforts were crucial to the Solidarity movement's victory over Soviet domination. He survived four gunshot wounds in an assassination attempt. Then he publicly and personally forgave the man who tried to kill him. (By the way, the would-be assassin is wishing for the pope's recovery.) He's traveled to just about every country in the world that would have him. When His Holiness returns to his Maker, it won't be from weakness or frailty. It will be a reward for his strength.

Cash-crunched Metro to sell ads on shelters

There's only a short time left if you want to get in on Metro's latest cash cow:

METRO may join the nation's other largest transit agencies in allowing advertising on its bus shelters. Currently, METRO is the only agency in a top-10 market that does not use advertising to supplement its operating funds. But this month the agency issued a Request for Proposals seeking "creative approaches" to increasing revenue through advertising. While no decisions have been made to implement this program, METRO is attempting to verify how much real income can be generated.

I've got another idea of how Metro can raise money: enforce the fares!

Olajuwon mosque implicated in terror probe

Say it ain't so, Dream!

A mosque established and funded by basketball star Hakeem Olajuwon gave more than $80,000 to charities the government later determined to be fronts for the terror groups al-Qaida and Hamas, according to financial records obtained by The Associated Press. Olajuwon told the AP he had not known of any links to terrorism when the donations were made, prior to the government's crackdown on the groups, and would not have given the money if he had known.

But the agency and its possible ties to terrorism had been in news stories years earlier, before Olajuwon's contributions: --The U.S. Agency for International Development cut off two government grants to the Islamic African Relief Agency in 1999, saying funding the group "would not be in the national interest of the United States." --A former fund-raiser for the relief agency, Ziyad Khaleel, was named in a federal trial in 2001 as the man who bought a satellite telephone that bin Laden used to plan the 1998 bombings of U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. --Numerous news organizations reported shortly after the 2001 terrorist attacks that the relief agency was among more than two dozen Islamic charities under scrutiny for possible terrorist ties.

Say it ain't so.

UK issues license to clone human embryos

This is despicable:

The British government gave the scientist whose team cloned Dolly the sheep a license on Tuesday to clone human embryos for research. Dr. Ian Wilmut, who led the Dolly team at the Roslin Institute in Scotland in 1996, and Dr. Christopher Shaw, a motor neuron expert of the Institute of Psychiatry in London, plan to clone embyros to study how nerve cells go awry to cause motor neuron diseases. The experiments do not involve creating cloned babies.

By the way, in 1997, Wilmut came out against human cloning:

In a series of appearances in Washington this week, soft-spoken Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut, of the Roslin Institute in Edinburgh, is arguing that cloning technology can and should be controlled. "I think now to contemplate using our present technique with humans would be quite inhuman," Wilmut said at a news conference before the hearings. "We would welcome any rules for an international agreement of any kind to prohibit this work. I think you shouldn't underestimate the difficulties of this research," Wilmut told the Senate Committee of Public Health and Safety.

Lord Acton was right.

Kuwaiti terrorist leader dies of heart failure

Here's a guy who won't be missed:

The alleged ringleader of a terror group accused of attacking Americans and Kuwaiti security forces has died of heart failure while in prison, an Interior Ministry official said Wednesday. Amer Khlaif al-Enezi, who is believed to be in his 30s, had trouble breathing while in prison and was moved the Kuwait's Armed Forces Hospital, where he died late Tuesday, the official and the state-owned Kuwait News Agency said.

Somebody get this man some raisins!

Feds decline to fund MetroRail expansion

Planned expansions of Metro's light rail boondoggle will likely be delayed, as the Federal Transit Administration declared that MetroRail isn't ready for prime time:

Metro did not make the cut this year for a federal transportation agency's funding recommendations, putting the schedule for expansion of Houston's light rail in jeopardy. In a report to Congress released on Tuesday, the Federal Transit Administration details rail and bus projects that it believes should get funding assistance for the fiscal year 2006. Houston MetroRail appears in a 55-page appendix listing hundreds of pending projects across the United States not ready for grants.

And of course, the brass at Metro are whining:

Frank Wilson, Metro president and CEO, said the FTA has bombarded his staff with questions about its application for the next two rail lines. He and others met with FTA's regional staff in Fort Worth last month for a status review. "They have not given us a rating after all the work we've done," Wilson said. "Every week, every moment that goes by that we don't know for certain what we are doing, our schedule gets jeopardized."

Aww, poor guy! He actually has to have a legitimate working plan before he gets a giant pile of free money from you and me. You've got to feel for him.

Army unveils new all-purpose combat uniform

The U.S. Army has released its new Army Combat Uniform, featuring an all-purpose "digital" camouflage pattern:

Hooah.

Instead of bold jigsaw swatches of colors, the new camouflage pattern uses muted shades of desert brown, urban gray and foliage green broken into one-centimeter segments. Black was eliminated completely because it catches the eye too easily. The resulting camouflage — similar to a pattern the Marines adopted two years ago — conceals soldiers in forest, desert or urban battlegrounds, said Sgt. 1st Class Jeff Myhre, the uniform's lead designer.

And they should make soldiers' lives easier, too. The fabric is wrinkle-free and machine-washable, and the new suede boots do not require polishing like the old black boots.

The Army claims the uniform is being well received, but some commenters are already criticizing the new threads. (Warning: Some of the language is...coarse. They're Airborne Rangers, after all.)

Notorious CU prof busted for academic fraud

Ward Churchill, the University of Colorado professor who blamed the 9/11 victims for their own murders, has a lot of problems, not the least of which are his false claims to American Indian heritage. And now, we learn about another facet of this scumbag: he fabricates facts in academic papers:

Churchill’s tale of genocide by means of biological warfare is shocking. It is also entirely fraudulent. The only truth in Churchill’s version of the pandemic is the fact that a smallpox outbreak did occur in 1837, and that it was probably carried into the region on board the steamboat St. Peter. Every other detail of Churchill’s story must have come from his imagination, because his own sources contradict him on nearly every point. None of the sources that Churchill cites make any mention of “a military infirmary…quarantined for smallpox.” None of the sources Churchill cites make any mention of U.S. Army soldiers even being in the area of the pandemic, much less being involved with it in any way. Churchill’s own sources make it clear that Fort Clark was not an Army garrison. It was a remote trading outpost that was privately owned and built by the American Fur Company, and manned by a handful of white traders. It was not an Army fort, nor did it contain soldiers. Not being an Army fort, it did not contain a “post surgeon” who told Indians to “scatter” and spread the disease. Churchill’s own sources make all of this abundantly clear.

Oh, one more thing. In a biography preface, Churchill claims his dead wife (a real Indian) suffered from severe mental illness, and mangled the history of her life. He didn't interview family members for background information before releasing the book. What a guy.

Hamas terrorists reject PA-Israeli ceasefire

The Hamas charter lists the following quotation as one of its "Ideological Starting-Points:"

Israel will rise and will remain erect until Islam eliminates it as it had eliminated its predecessors.

Keep that in mind when you read this:

Palestinian Islamist militant movement Hamas said Tuesday that it was not bound by the ceasefire announced by Palestinian leader Mahmud Abbas at a Middle East peace summit in Egypt. Abbas's declaration "expresses only the position of the Palestinian Authority. It does not express the position of the Palestinian movements," said Hamas spokesman Mushir al-Masri. In Beirut, Hamas spokesman Osama Hamdaneh said the ceasefire pledge "does not commit the Palestinian resistance."

By the way, the "resistance" is particularly skilled at murdering children. But Hamas isn't just dedicated to massacring Jews. It's an equal-opportunity hate group; Hamas' website features videos of terrorist attacks against U.S. troops in Iraq.

City of Houston unveils yet another website

Hey, taxpayers! Guess what you just paid for:

Oh, joy.

The City of Houston has launched its third website is as many years. Much like the old site, the new incarnation deals with vital city services, like taking your money, towing your car, and sponsoring a bicycle race with an absurdly stupid name. Meanwhile, in other city news, our police chief is not a cop, HPD is chronically understaffed and the crime lab can't perform DNA testing. Priorities, anyone?

Chron Yankee gloats over Pats, slams Texas

MeMo's Kyrie O'Connor is pushing the limits of our newfound blogger detente, as her Yankeeness gushes out:

Hey, Texas, can you spell N-E-W E-N-G-L-A-N-D? How about B-E-L-I-C-H-I-C-K? Nothing ticks off a Texan, MeMo has discovered, more than pointing out how many sports powerhouses reside in that teensy little six-state area way northeast of Beaumont. But we figure a lot of Texans were sitting there chomping on chicken wings and scratching their heads, trying to figure out how anything could be called a Super Bowl if it didn't involve UT or A&M.

For an analysis, I've brought in a special consultant. Ashley, a former St. Pius X High School classmate and loyal LST tipster weighs in:

Apparently we

1. can't spell
2. do not know the geography of the United States
3. are idiots
4. have no interest in professional football and
5. scratch our heads in confusion watching a non-A&M-tu matchup.

I'm certainly scratching my head in confusion, but it's because I'm wondering what happened to my newspaper and why it is infested with liberals like her.

Heh. If I were Kyrie O'Connor, I'd be wary of calling it a dynasty. After all, that "dynasty" was in large part fueled by offensive coordinator Charlie Weis. And we all know what he's doing next season.

Near-miss asteroid will be visible from Earth

Remember that killer asteroid I told you about a while back? Well, it's not going to kill us, but it will come close enough to see with the naked eye:

The asteroid 2004 MN4 is expected to shine like a fast-moving star at magnitude 3.3, Chesley said. That would be easily visible under dark skies without the help of binoculars or telescopes. On this astronomers' magnitude scale, smaller numbers represent brighter objects. The brightest stars and planets have negative magnitudes. The dimmest stars visible under perfect sky conditions away from city lights are about magnitude 6.5. Urban residents may need to get out of town to see the rare event.

The asteroid will pass through the constellation of Cancer. Observers with clear skies in Europe, Africa and parts of Asia will be able to see a star-like point of light.

So mark your calendars for April 13, 2029.

General: 'It's fun to shoot some people'

A Marine general who played up the fun of war will not be punished for his comments:

Lt. Gen. James Mattis, who led troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, made the comments at a conference Tuesday in San Diego. "Actually it's quite fun to fight 'em, you know. It's a hell of a hoot. It's fun to shoot some people. I'll be right up front with you, I like brawling," said Mattis. "You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil," Mattis said during a panel discussion. "You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them."

Frankly, the comments don't bother me one whit. What do we want him to say? The man is a Marine. These people kill for a living. It's what they do. Might as well enjoy it.

Chron editors again abandon common sense

The Chronicle's editorial board, in a stunning display of ignorance, has slammed the use of credit ratings to set insurance premiums:

Statistically, the rate of claims for the 10 percent of policyholders with the worst credit scores was 1.5 to 2 times greater than that of the 10 percent with the best scores.

Linking credit scores to insurance rates is hopelessly contaminated by questions about the accuracy of the credit reports themselves and the documented result: disproportionately higher insurance rates for minority and lower- to middle-income Texans.

Let's face it, credit and insurance risk have a key factor in common: personal responsibility. The Chron makes it sound like there will be different pricing levels depending on the applicant's skin tone. That's absolutely false. Regardless of race, people with good credit get in fewer car wrecks, and the opposite is true. These are documented facts, and they're not surprising. After all, someone who's irresponsible with their money will likely be irresponsible in other areas, including behind the wheel. But what should we expect? The folks down at 801 Texas Avenue aren't exactly brilliant businessmen.

Cartoon Showdown: Chron vs. Cox & Forkum

As I've said on multiple occasions, the Chronicle's resident cartoonist, Clyde Peterson, just doesn't get it. Cartoons should be:

• Funny, or at least witty,
• Well drawn,
• Free of excess words, and
• Relevant to the day's issues.

Do any of these apply to today's cartoon?

Sigh.

Nope. So instead of just ripping on the "art" churned out by this liberal dinosaur (he's been on the editorial board for 40 years), I'm going to offer some constructive criticism.

Use more pictures and fewer words to tell your story. There's a reason you can't write for a living. Try something like this!

Much better.

Update: Woman kills hubby with sherry enema

Oh my gosh:

Investigators say a Lake Jackson woman caused her husband's death by giving him a sherry enema, leading to alcohol poisoning. The enema caused his blood alcohol level to soar to 0.47 percent — almost six times the legal intoxication limit, a toxicology report showed. Tammy Jean Warner, 42, was indicted on a charge of negligent homicide. She is also charged with burning the will of her husband, Michael Warner, a month before his death on May 21. Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop owner, had a long history of alcoholism, but couldn't ingest alcohol by mouth because of painful medical problems with his throat, said Lake Jackson police detective Robert Turner. The enema was a way he could become intoxicated without drinking alcohol, Turner said.

That's a pretty bizarre way to go.

"I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it," Turner said.

Is this what mortuary school students do? Just sit around and come up with crazy, disturbing ways to off someone?

Update: I am again reminded of how great our readers are. Gregg of lawyer joke fame writes:

Matt, Mexican food gives me heartburn. But I love it. Is there such thing as a fajita enema? The chips and salsa with jalapeno might burn a little so get the ice cream enema ready for dessert!

He goes on to speculate where one would apply the salt for a margarita.

I'm going to catch all kinds of hell for this...

...but MeMo is growing on me. And in the interest of blogger glastnost, I'm going to go easy on Kyrie O'Connor for the time being. How can I resist when she tosses this awesome link into her daily missive?

But ah! Get this Romanian disco tune in your head and you just won't want it to leave. Eeerily Cher-like without quite being Cher. This guy's face, however, can go home right now.

I wonder where she found that, anyway?

Dean poised to win in race for DNC chair

Mr. Chairman.

Red state residents, have no fear. The Democratic Party will soon be in the hands of a madman:

Former Texas Rep. Martin Frost dropped out of the race for Democratic national chairman on Tuesday after failing to win the backing of organized labor, winnowing the field to front-runner Howard Dean and three challengers. Frost's decision came hours after AFL-CIO leaders decided not to make an endorsement in the race for Democratic National Committee chairman.

"At this juncture, I believe it's a fait accompli,'' [labor executive Gerald] McEntee said of Dean's bid for chairman.

That means a done deal, for you Aggies out there. Let's hope the church-jumping, sandwich-stealing, file-sealing panic factory runs the DNC with as much aplomb as he ran his own campaign.

Nepal's king seizes all power, isolates nation

There is very troubling news from Katmandu:

King Gyanendra dismissed Nepal's government Tuesday and declared a state of emergency, closing off his Himalayan nation from the rest of the world as telephone and Internet lines were cut, flights diverted and civil liberties severely curtailed. King Gyanendra denied his takeover was a coup, although soldiers surrounded the houses of Prime Minister Sher Bahadur Deuba and other government leaders. The king also suspended several provisions of the constitution, including freedom of the press, speech and expression, peaceful assembly, the right to privacy, and the right against preventive detention, according to a statement from the Narayanhiti Palace.

This move comes just days after the Nepalese king cracked down on the Dalai Lama:

Nepal government has ordered the shutdown of the Office of the Dalai Lama's Representative and the Tibetan Refugee Welfare Office here. "The District Administration Office, Kathmandu today issued a notice to order the immediate closure of these two offices linked to the Dalai Lama as they were not registered at the District Administration Office", the Dalai Lama's Representative in Nepal, Wangchuk Tsering said.

Call me old-fashioned, but I get nervous when I see any nation kissing up to a repressive Communist regime.

Man finds human leg in bag from funeral home

How does a screwup like this happen?

A man expecting to find his recently deceased father's belongings opened a plastic bag sent to him by a funeral home and discovered an amputated human leg. Christopher Runyan received the bag Monday from Sinnickson's Moriches Funeral Home, which handled the funeral of his father, Paul, 77, who died last week. Runyan said a foul odor was coming from the bag, and he opened it and discovered the leg.

Suffolk County police Sgt. George Kelly said Tuesday that investigators determined that the leg belonged to a patient who died Jan. 13. "We believe it was just a case of human error," Kelly said.

Yes, Sergeant, I think you're right in that assessment.

President Bush captures Osama Bin Laden

I knew we'd get him sooner or later, but who know George W. Bush would personally catch the world's most wanted man?

President Bush takes the archterrorist into U.S. custody.

The White House is demanding that the Mujahedeen Brigades release all G.I. Joes currently held in Iraq. The president reportedly threatened to melt the terrorist leader with a magnifying glass if Al Qaeda fails to comply. [Hat-tip: InstaPundit]

UN report says Darfur situation isn't genocide

The United Nations again displays its moral bankruptcy:

The report of the five-member UN panel found proof that Sudanese government-backed violence in the western region had "genocidal intent,'' though there was no official genocidal policy on the part of the Islamic government in Khartoum. The panel, headed by Italian Judge Antonio Cassese, was approved by UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

No official genocidal policy? What the hell else do you call it when state-sponsored gangs rape, kill and displace an entire race of people?

Update: Pope rushed to Rome hospital with flu

The Holy Father is ill:

Pope John Paul was taken to hospital late on Tuesday, Italian media including national news agency Ansa and Sky Italia television said. The pope fell ill with influenza on Sunday and was forced to cancel all his engagements over the past two days. There was no immediate comment from the Vatican.

Let us pray.

Update: The pope was reportedly having severe respiratory problems:

The 84-year-old pope has been suffering from the flu since Sunday and apparently suffered a "breathing crisis," a Vatican official told The Associated Press on condition of anonymity.

New paper launched in D.C.; is Houston next?

Conservative billionaire Philip Anschutz has launched a free daily newspaper in the Washington, D.C. area:

The Washington Examiner will cater to people with limited time to read a newspaper, said Ryan McKibben, president of Denver-based Clarity Media Group. It will use a tabloid format with shorter stories, and emphasize community news along with national and international coverage. "Everybody in the information business is competing for the same thing we are, which is time for any potential reader," McKibben said. The move comes less than a year after Anschutz bought the once-storied San Francisco Examiner in hopes of bringing it back as a free tabloid. The paper lost money for years and eventually its readers to the larger San Francisco Chronicle and suburban rivals.

The paper is available online at dcexaminer.com, which is registered to The Anschutz Corporation in Denver. Interestingly, the same corporation owns houstonexaminer.com. Could a new rag for Houston be in the works? Maybe so:

According to the Denver Post, Anchsutz has filed 127 U.S. applications to trademark general circulation newspapers with "The Examiner" name in 69 cities, including Denver. His paper said Anschutz's Clarity Media Group has spent tens of thousands of dollars on the applications, based on the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office's $335 filing fee. Among the areas where Clarity sought trademarks include Long Island; Des Moines; Detroit; Kansas City, Mo.; New Orleans; Phoenix; Salt Lake City and Boston.

He also registered the name in Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth and San Antonio.

John Kerry confesses to treason against U.S.

John Kerry was on Meet the Press the other day:

MR. RUSSERT: And you have a hat that the CIA agent gave you? SEN. KERRY: I still have the hat that he gave me, and I hope the guy would come out of the woodwork and say, "I'm the guy who went up with John Kerry. We delivered weapons to the Khmer Rouge on the coastline of Cambodia." We went out of Ha Tien, which is right in Vietnam. We went north up into the border. And I have some photographs of that, and that's what we did. So, you know, the two were jumbled together, but we were on the Cambodian border on Christmas Eve, absolutely.

That's interesting, considering Kerry's earlier claim:

I remember Christmas of 1968 sitting on a gunboat in Cambodia. I remember what it was like to be shot at by Vietnamese and Khmer Rouge and Cambodians

Gosh, that John Kerry is a pretty forgiving guy, if he delivers guns to the same people who shot at him the day before. This story means one of two things:

1. He's lying. It wouldn't surprise anyone.
2. He's a traitor. Ditto.

Update: 'Captured' GI confirmed as doll

Drudge suggests that the photo purporting to show a U.S. soldier captured by terrorists in Iraq may in fact depict a "Special Ops" toy soldier:

Real? Or toy?

There are a number of clues that lead me to believe this isn't an actual U.S. soldier:

• The blank expression on the "man's" face.
• The incredible similarity of the gear, particularly the knee pads and the number of buckles on the vest.
• The lack of any context of size or time.
• The lack of other photos, despite claims that the group has captured and killed the "soldier's" comrades.

If this turns out to be a forged kidnapping, it should be a welcome sign that we're breaking the back of the terrorist uprising. These thugs can't capture our troops, so they go inside and play with dolls.

Update: An action figure manufacturer and the U.S. military strongly suggest this "abduction" is a complete hoax:

The Arabic text, however, contained several misspellings and repetitions. Staff Sgt. Nick Minecci, a U.S. military spokesman in Baghdad, said ''no units have reported anyone missing.'' The photo in the posting showed a figure dressed in desert fatigues, wearing a vest and knee pads and with a gun pointed to its head. All the items are similar to ones that come in a box with the action figure, named ''Cody.''

Liam Cusack, of the toy manufacturer Dragon Models USA Inc., said the image bore a striking resemblance to the African-American version of its ''Cody'' action figure. ''It is our doll ... To me, it looks definitely like it is,'' Cusack told The Associated Press. ''Everything the guy is wearing is exactly what comes with our figure. If you look at the two pictures side by side, it'd be a huge coincidence.''