Stupid guy injured in act of stupidity

You know that old lyric, "I believe the children are our future?" Let's hope it's not entirely true:

A fan plunged from the upper deck at Yankee Stadium onto the screen behind home plate during Tuesday night's game between New York and the Chicago White Sox and was taken to a hospital. The game was delayed for four minutes in the eighth inning after 18-year-old Scott Harper of Armonk, N.Y., plummeted about 40 feet onto the large net. After the final out, he was carried from the ballpark on a stretcher, his head immobilized in a neck brace, and taken to Lincoln Medical Center, where he was in stable condition at early Wednesday, hospital spokeswoman Jill Brooker said. Harper told three friends he was sitting with that he was going to test whether the net would hold his weight -- and then he jumped, police said.

Then again, if my team were four games back in the wild card, I might jump too. [Hat-tip: Laurence]

Do parents have rights in public schools?

Thanks to LST reader Mike, who points out this Fox News column by Wendy McElroy:

The conflict began on Jan. 17, when Parker's then-5-year-old son brought home a Diversity Bookbag from kindergarten. Included was Robert Skutch's "Who's In a Family?" that depicts families headed by same-sex couples. Parker had wanted to decide for himself the timing and manner in which his son was introduced to the subject of homosexuality. (The Bookbag is supposed to be a voluntary program but the Parkers knew nothing about it in advance.) Parker immediately e-mailed the Estabrook school principal, Joni Jay (search). Parker expressed his belief that gay parents did not constitute "a spiritually healthy family"; he did not wish his son to be taught that a gay family is "a morally equal alternative to other family constructs."

By law, Massachusetts requires schools to notify parents when sexuality is scheduled for discussion. Lexington School Committee chairman Thomas B. Griffiths explained, "We don't view telling a child that there is a family out there with two mommies as teaching about homosexuality." In an e-mail, the Estabrook school principal stated, "I have confirmed … that discussion of differing families, including gay-headed families, is not included in the parental notification policy."

Read the whole thing, and ask questions at your kids' schools.

Bush, Congress team up to fleece U.S. taxpayers

I'm normally a big supporter of President Bush, but this really steamed me up. Today, the president signed a bloated, $286 billion highway bill. Here's how he justified it to workers at a Caterpillar plant in Montgomery, Ill.:

"I'm here to sign the highway bill because I believe by signing this bill, when it's fully implemented, there's going to be more demand for the machines you make here," Bush said, adding that a piece of Caterpillar equipment is used at his ranch. "Because there's more demand for the machines you make here," he said, "there are going to be more jobs created around places like this facility."

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Would somebody tell this man -- and Congress -- that enormous public-works projects are not the way to grow the economy? Yes, building more roads means Caterpillar will sell more bulldozers and hire more people. We could also dig a gigantic hole and dump tax money into it, increasing shovel sales and boosting America's critical hole-digging sector. Heaven forbid that the taxpayers should keep their own money. They might spend it on foolish things like HDTVs, caffeine-laced beer, private education or charitable giving. One of the most egregious abuses is in Alaska, where ostensibly Republican Congressman Don Young secured $223 million for a bridge. Must be one hell of a useful bridge, right? Wrong. You see, this "bridge to nowhere" will connect Ketchikan, Alaska (population: 8,004) to Gravina Island (population: 50). There's already a reliable ferry service between the two burgs, running every 15 minutes. Basically the only thing on Gravina Island is an airport, with only 6-7 flights a day. $223 million to build a bridge in a tiny speck of a town that's not even connected to the North American road grid. Thanks, Congress. Thanks, Mr. President. UPDATE: The editors of USA Today had the right idea.

Metro to public: Fend for yourselves, plebians!

The lovely and talented Anne Linehan points out that Metro doesn't seem too concerned about public safety. You see, last night some scumbag raped a woman at a Metro bus stop. Here's Metro's response, per Channel 11:

Metro says you can legally carry a gun on a bus if you have a concealed weapons permit for it.

Gee, thanks Metro. While elite counterterrorism light-rail commandos are deployed on empty trains, Park and Ride locations, buses and bus stops have to be guarded by private individuals. Or as Sheila Jackson Lee would put it, dangerous vigilantes.

Miracle drink combines vices in one can

Do you like coffee? Do you like beer? Of course you do. But there's no way to drink both and still keep a hand free for a cigarette or slot machine handle. Until now:

Anheuser-Busch (BUD) on Monday launched "Tilt," a raspberry-flavored malt beverage blending caffeine, guarana and ginseng — and with an alcohol content ranging from 4% to 6.6%, depending on state laws. It's the latest in the beermaker's bid to branch out into the so-called "malternative" market. In January, the company launched B-to-the-E, another drink with roughly the same ingredients. Anheuser-Busch has also in recent years introduced its Bacardi line of flavored malt beverages.

"From happy hour to a night out at a club, contemporary adults are looking for innovative beverages that fit into their fast-paced, highly-social lifestyles," said Pat McGauley, vice president of innovation and new products for Anheuser-Busch. "Tilt was developed with this in mind because it is suited to a variety of drinking occasions."

This is clearly targeted at women, unless "a variety of drinking occasions" means "occasions when you want your buddy to punch you in the stomach." But I guess there's only one way to find out. As soon as I can find this stuff for sale, I'll dip into the LST Petty Cash Fund for some research expenses and get back to you with a review.

A.J. Foyt attacked by swarm of bees

Legendary race car driver A.J. Foyt had a rough weekend:

Foyt spokeswoman Anne Fornoro told The Associated Press that the 70-year-old, four-time Indianapolis 500 winner was driving a bulldozer Saturday, clearing brush, when he apparently stirred up a nest of bees. She said Foyt jumped off the bulldozer and started to run for a nearby stream, but he tripped and the bees swarmed onto him. He was stung dozens of times on the face and upper body before finally scrambling into the water. Fornoro said a man working nearby called 911. Foyt was treated at the scene, but refused a trip to the hospital.

That's one tough hombre. The moral of this story is you should never drive slower than 150 mph.

Border Patrol agent busted as illegal immigrant

A Border Patrol agent has been busted for being an illegal immigrant and smuggling illegal immigrants:

Oscar Antonio Ortiz, a Mexican citizen who was born in Tijuana, allegedly secured his job with the Border Patrol in 2001 by using a fake birth certificate that stated he was born in Chicago. Authorities say the number on his birth certificate corresponds to that of another person who was born one month before him. Ortiz, 28, pleaded not guilty to charges of migrant smuggling and making a false citizenship claim. U.S. Magistrate Judge Anthony Battaglia scheduled a hearing Wednesday to consider bail.

Yikes. I guess the agent used some sophisticated, difficult-to-detect technique to forge his identity. Or maybe not:

T.J. Bonner, who heads a labor union of Border Patrol agents, said the FBI used to perform background checks on prospective employees but turned that work over to the U.S. Office of Personnel Management. "It's a two-minute phone call to verify whether the number (on the birth certificate) matches the name," said Bonner, president of the National Border Patrol Council. "Any rookie who is trained in immigration law could have figured that out."

[Hat-tip: Laurence]

Sheila demands civilians stay out of 'dessert'

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Houston) has an established history of saying very stupid things, and she's at it again. Her office issued a press release detailing the Congressidiot's objections to the Border Protection Corps Act. The release, which looks like it was originally written in crayon, warns about the dire situations that could arise if civilians guard the border:

Our dessert could become a battlefield with many innocent casualties.

Oh, the humanity! I can just imagine the hellish nightmare that could result: a creme brulee littered with tattered corpses. A chocolate cake, pockmarked with smoldering craters. Our nation's jelly rolls will run red with blood. And raspberry filling.

Stats lesson: When n is small, everything sucks

I got on Amazon.com today to browse around, and I realized that I've only purchased three things from that website: a Charlie Brown video, a Stereolab album and a Palm expansion card. And the Charlie Brown video was a gift. I realized this because Amazon kept serving me recommendations for tons of Charlie Brown, Stereolab and Palm crap. I guess Amazon's vaunted customer-profiling system either got lazy and unimaginative, or just couldn't figure out what the hell those three things have to do with one another. So in order for Amazon's targeted offers to make any sense to me, I've got to flesh out my wish list. I'll spend a little while adding everything I can think of. Feel free to buy influence. UPDATE: Wow. Once I rated a few pages of stuff, the system got pretty good at identifying preferences. I'm guessing I fit the "college dude" profile, because I'm getting recommendations for lots of National Lampoon movies and books about poker. And a KENNY ROGERS album? What the hell is that about? Other quirks include filing "Coming to America" in the Drama section. Um, okay. Some server in a rack at a massive Amazon server farm somewhere is snickering at me.

Weight Update

Some of y'all know that I've been trying to lose weight for a few weeks now, via the Weight Watchers Points program. It basically assigns a point value to anything you eat, based on a formula that takes into account calories, fiber and fat. I get a certain number of points a day (currently 28), plus 35 weekly "flex points" that can be used anytime in the week. The other daily guidelines in the plan are: six glasses of water, a multivitamin, five servings of fruits or vegetables and three servings of milk. It's basically a well-balanced, low calorie diet. And it's working like a charn. Here are the stats so far. 6/20: 271.6 (Start date) 6/22: 267.0 6/29: 262.2 7/06: 258.6 7/13: 254.6 7/19: 252.4 7/27: 248.6 8/04: 246.8 The total since 6/20 is 24.8 pounds, with another 50 or so to go.