Chron reports on oil profit debate

Heaven knows that Mattsapundit personnel rip on the Chronicle now and then, but we also like to point out when they get something right, and this is one of those times.

In a business piece about oil company profits, our beloved hometown rag provided a pretty good balance:

Exxon Mobil Corp. alone rang up a $9.9 billion profit. Whether Exxon and its competitors will be able to persuade the public their earnings aren't really so huge remains to be seen. "You make nearly $10 billion in a quarter, and you're making more than number of Fortune 500 companies put together," noted Ed Rothschild, a longtime energy industry critic in Washington.

The story then turns to Exxon Mobil's point:

For their part, the oil companies have been trying to make the case their earnings aren't out of line. Exxon Mobil has taken out ads in major daily newspapers comparing oil and gas company earnings with other sectors. An ad headline "Oil and Apples," features a chart that shows pharmaceutical companies, banks, software firms and tobacco giants all earning more pennies on the dollar than energy companies. The ad shows energy companies earning 7.7 cents per dollar of revenue, and Exxon Mobil 8.6 cents, versus 7.9 cents for U.S. industry overall. With "a true 'apples to apples' evaluation — you see that oil earnings are not out of step with other major industries," the ad reads.

How about that?

Michael Moore owns Halliburton shares

This one pegged my Hypocritical-Scumbag-O-Meter:

I don't own a single share of stock!" filmmaker Michael Moore proudly proclaimed. He's right. He doesn't own a single share. He owns tens of thousands of shares – including nearly 2,000 shares of Boeing, nearly 1,000 of Sonoco, more than 4,000 of Best Foods, more than 3,000 of Eli Lilly, more than 8,000 of Bank One and more than 2,000 of Halliburton, the company most vilified by Moore in "Fahrenheit 9/11."

Silly me. I thought he invested all his money in Twinkies. [Hat-tip: Relapsed Catholic]

9th Circuit rules for schools, against parents

Hey there, Mr. and Mrs. MattsapunditReader and Parent of Impressionable Children! Would you have a problem if an agent of local government mandated that your first-grader take a psychological quiz to find out about his sexual activities? Tough! The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has issued its latest in a long series of disturbing rulings, saying that parents have no right to keep public schools from discussing masturbation with six-year-olds:

Parents' rights were not violated when a Southern California elementary school conducted a psychological survey of their children and asked them about sexual feelings and masturbation, a federal appeals court ruled Wednesday.

"Parents have a right to inform their children when and as they wish on the subject of sex,'' said Judge Stephen Reinhardt in the 3-0 ruling. "They have no constitutional right, however, to prevent a public school from providing its students with whatever information it wishes to provide, sexual or otherwise.''

I'll leave it to LST's resident legal eagles to dissect the legal ramifications of this case, but it doesn't look good. The list of Catholic schools' advantages over government schools gets longer and longer every day. [Hat-tip: The Everlasting Phelps]

Wall of boobs to help confused bra shoppers

I just can't resist a story containing the words "wall of fake breasts":

A Dutch designer has created a wall of fake breasts to help male shoppers buy bras that fit their wives or girlfriends. Wendy Rameckers works at the Piet Zwart Institute for Retail and Design in Rotterdam, reports Het Nieuwsblad. "Most men have a selective memory," she explained. "They know all about their car, but never seem to know their wife's bra size. "When trying to buy a sexy bra for their wife or girlfriend, usually they point to other women in the shop or, when asked about size, they say a 'handful'." The wall consists of rows of silicon breasts in all sizes. By look and touch, male shoppers can work out the right size, she says.

Huh huh. Huh huh huh.

House votes to regulate Internet speech

Remember that pesky First Amendment? It's understandable if you've forgotton. Here's my favorite part:

Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press

Unfortunately, annoying little things like the Constitution didn't stop the House from...well, making a law abridging the freedom of speech:

The House voted 225-182 for a bill that would have excluded blogs, e-mails and other Internet communications from regulation by the Federal Election Commission. That was 47 votes short of the two-thirds majority needed under a procedure that limited debate time and allowed no amendments. The vote in effect clears the way for the FEC to move ahead with court-mandated rule-making to govern political speech and campaign spending on the Internet.

At least we've got a Texan on our side -- Rep. Jeb Hensarling, who represents part of the D-FW metroplex:

"The newest battlefield in the fight to protect the First Amendment is the Internet," he said. "The Internet is the new town square, and campaign finance regulations are not appropriate there." Without his legislation, Hensarling said, "I fear that bloggers one day could be fined for improperly linking to a campaign Web site, or merely forwarding a candidate's press release to an e-mail list."

The bill is HR 1601. Make sure to include that bill number on your placards when you descend on Washington in a marauding horn. Also, the phrase "Keep your filthy hooves off Mattsapundit" would be good. Make sure the cameras see it.

Casey breezes through USMC marathon

Cpl. Casey Owens, Superstud.

As anyone who listens to Edd Hendee knows, Marine Cpl. Casey Owens is near and dear to the KSEV, Lone Star Times and Mattsapundit families. For those of you who don't know, the man -- a Houstonian -- is a living miracle. After 9/11, he left college to join the Marine Corps. Last fall, while on a mission to rescue a wounded comrade, Casey's Humvee hit a mine, peppering the young Marine with shrapnel, breaking his jaw and collarbone and shattering both legs, which later had to be amputated. Since then, the guy's been a nonstop dynamo. Over the weekend, he ran a marathon in just over two and a half hours. With his freakin' HANDS:

Casey Owens completed his first marathon yesterday, which is always a tremendous accomplishment. But it was especially so for Owens, who just over a year ago was injured in an antitank mine explosion in Iraq. As he crossed the Marine Corps Marathon finish line, the 24-year-old Marine corporal from Houston was mobbed by well-wishers, including Marine Commandant Michael Hagee. "It went great," Owens said. "It was a lot more fun than I thought it would be, a lot more enjoyable. I couldn't imagine a better marathon." Owens was the first Marine in a wheelchair to cross the finish line. Because he forgot to wear his timing chip, he did not receive an official time; however, he estimated that he finished in 2 hours 32 minutes. Not bad for a guy who hadn't used a handcrank chair until a month ago. "Pushing myself around in a wheelchair that was my training, and being a Marine," said Owens, who had his left leg amputated below his knee and his right leg amputated above his knee.

What's next for Casey? Well, apparently he's feeling pretty good about his prosthetic legs:

Owens, who has been rehabilitating at Walter Reed Military Hospital the past year, started walking about a month ago. He would like to run the marathon next year.

Is this guy human? Does anything faze him? Aha! He has a complaint about the race!

"It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be," Owens said. "It was too short. I got to Mile 20 and was like it's going to be over too soon."

WOW. It wouldn't suprise me if he tapdances blindfolded through next year's race while juggling Dumpsters. Casey, congratulations from Mattsapundit. You represent the very pinnacle of fortitude, persistence and cojones. You're a credit to your city, country and Corps, and we're all proud of you.

Drudge runs MoDo caption contest

New York Times columnistette Maureen Dowd was quite pissy and lonely this weekend, as evidenced by her 5,000-word essay lamenting the fact that women are picking femininity over feminism. You know how emotional broads can be.

Matt Drudge, of flashy police light fame, responds with a MoDo caption contest. I'm stealing it and posting it here:

"You know what they say about guys with big feet..."

Leave your suggestions in the comments. Also, feel free to speculate on her cocktail of choice.

This is what we're up against

This is what they do to 8-year-olds who steal bread in Iran. [WARNING: Disturbing photos.]

[Hat-tip: Lou Minatti]

Crusader pig says 'Don't be a Dhimmi!'

Risawn has a brilliant idea for a t-shirt, sure to offend those who would impose Sharia on Western democracies:

Crusader pig!

Hopefully, she could print up stickers with scratch-and-sniff bacon flavoring. Mmm...

Like Dubya? You're a wife-beating, gun-toting nut!

At least that's what Cragg Hines thinks. In today's column, the Chron political columnist tries to paint Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito as a far-right-wing wacko, while slapping the president's supporters with the same brush:

IF you like machine guns, you'll love Sam Alito.

Nice to know we're starting off with a good, healthy dose of rabid fear-mongering.

In upholding a restrictive Pennsylvania abortion law in 1991, even the increasingly conservative 3rd Circuit refused to go along with one of the legislatively approved provisions: to require a woman to notify her spouse, in almost all instances, before an abortion. To emphasize his position, Alito wrote a dissent to spell out his approval of the spousal-notice section. The Supreme Court said on review that the provision would impermissibly give a man "the kind of dominion over his wife that parents exercise over their children." So, all you women who want to be ordered about like the kids, sit down right now and urge your senator to get aboard the Alito bandwagon.

But what's that compared to a president's need to restore his political health with about the only constituency that's sticking with him amid a mounting death toll in Iraq, an energy crisis and the indictment of Republican chums Tom DeLay and Scooter Libby?

Got that? 43% of American adults are machine-gun-toting, spouse-stomping extremists. Probably racist, sexist, homophobic evangelical Christian supremicists, too. But at least those 43% don't print ethnic slurs in major metropolitan newspapers:

Alito, a rock star to conservatives who scuttled Bush's nomination of Harriet Miers, is so in the mold of Justice Antonin Scalia, Bush's archetype of a supposedly strict-constructionist justice, that he's known as "Scalito" � little Scalia or Scalia lite.